Thursday, December 10, 2015

"The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" Oozes Onto Blu-ray

Scream Factory does us the honor of unleashing “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” Collector's Edition on anyone brave enough to indulge in it. The gross-out fest from the golden age of the 1980s was directed by Rod Amateau and stars no one besides Mackenzie Astin and Anthony Newley anyone will remember. I have a hard time using the phrase “written by” when referring to Melinda Palmer and Amateau, which both had a hand in bringing this atrocity to the big screen.

Urchins Windy Winston, Foul Phil and Messy Tessie help a shopkeeper's (Anthony Newley) helper (Mackenzie Astin) woo a fashion designer (Katie Barberi). That’s it. That’s all I can do to explain the plot of “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.”

“The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” doesn’t have a single redeeming quality that comes to mind. The attempt at acting by everyone on screen is absolutely deplorable. I’m convinced that every actor in the film was overdubbed by someone else. Legendary voice actor Jim Cummings does his best to bring a couple of the characters to life. I hope he was paid well for wasting his time.

I’m all for gross-out humor when it’s done well. Unfortunately, each character in “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” is a one-trick pony that gets tired quickly. There’s no sort of surprises to be found once you’re introduced to each of them. One farts on command; another pees his pants every time he gets nervous; one snots all over everything all the time; and another is a crocodile that likes to eat people’s toes. I think you get the picture.

It would also help if the mouths of the kids moved the right way when they talked. Their mouths move up and down like old felt puppets from the 1960s. Body movement is reduced to the actors lurking about like a child with too many coats and too much clothing on. The whole movie is just one giant awkward mess unspooling before you.

“The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” is rated PG for crude humor, mild language, and violence. By today’s standards, it’s all rather tame. A few key scenes included scantily clad women at a fashion show. There’s a couple light sexual innuendos here and there, but nothing too shocking.

If you want a sneak peek behind the scenes at the people who brought this cinematic calamity to life, Scream Factory unloads a few special features. There are new interviews with Actors Mackenzie Astin, Arturo Gil and Kevin Thompson, Makeup Effects Creator John Carl Buechler, Makeup Effects Artist Gino Crognale, and First Assistant Director Thomas A. Irvine. A theatrical trailer is included as well.

I can’t think of a better time to use the saying, “Some things you can never unsee” than when warning viewers of the dangers in watching “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.” I won’t even suggest it as a good way to waste a couple hours on a Sunday afternoon. There are so many other bad movies you could watch that are somehow better.

“The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” Collector's Edition is available now on Blu-ray.

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